with arms high & heart abandoned.

it's been a full week since i've returned from serving as a team leader at super summer, and it's taken that long to fully process everything He fed me while there. wanna know some of the highlights?
during our team leader weekend training, we were asked to wear ankle weights until the students arrived monday in order to better grasp what paul intended in galations, to bear one another's burdens. two and a half pounds on each leg didn't initially strike us as particularly challenging, but a few hours of walking around obu's campus and some blisters later got us to thinkin'. i genuinely wish i had discovered something incredibly spiritual from the process, but the extent was this: carrying those 'burdens' is completely unnatural for us to do. had zane not requested we wear them, we would never have voluntarily picked up a pair of weights and strapped them to ourselves for pure fun. in much the same way, we were never intended to strap unnecessary burdens to ourselves. there are just some things we were never meant to carry. let's travel light alongside Him, shall we? :)
at one point also during the tl weekend, every single one of us 150 or so adults scattered around the auditorium of raley chapel, selected a favorite psalm, and spoke it over the entire body of seats. it was breathtaking. i chose psalm 34, almost immediately and without any actual contemplation. it turned out to be my heart's exact cry that day, though. i love how He works!
my "children" and "husband" for the week were nothing short of spectacular. i'm too too blessed to have been entrusted with thirteen phenomenal high school sophomores who desire nothing less than His absolute glory. i learned so much from their gentle wisdom.
i also think i surrendered to perhaps one of the most difficult dreams He's given me so far. i've always had a heart for the persecuted church, yet i've resisted the vision of working for them and putting my own body into danger in the process. it scares me. it makes me ache. but i must share their story. praise Him for reaffirming that and rearranging my dreams during one of the evening services, in which afshin spoke of two women currently imprisoned in iran for pledging their hearts to Christ. i sobbed while viewing their photograph. i sobbed while He knocked on my heart and said, 'hand yourself over to working for them.' i sobbed while we sang 'the stand' as soon as their story was completed. before the service, i prayed for God to shake me. boy, did He deliver. :)
so i'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned/in awe of the One who gave it all/i'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered/all i am is Yours

sweet baby girl.

what a day it's been! first thing's first - niece number four has arrived! little miss ari jade made an early debut this morning at 9:16, weighing in at 5 pounds 12 ounces and measuring 19 inches. after waiting several long hours for the nicu to clear her respitory monitoring, the entire phillips clan gathered to bathe her, hold her, and ooh and ahh at her every breath. what a glorious, glorious day. :)
i completed my sophomore year of college yesterday and set out for my sister's home just in time to hear her say, "i think i'm in labor!" that's right, aunt peanut was the lucky one to chauffer her big sister to mercy. :D tiny job, yes i know, but it was also the one instant i sped and felt pleased with myself for it. be jealous.
after a grueling and extremely brave labor lasting well over 16 hours, my sweet sister gave us another gorgeous baby girl. i'm so so proud of them both. :)

wake up in a new hometown.

my dear friend lindsey is back from her mission trip to india! a little jet-lagged and joyful, lindz shared with me some of her experiences last night over the phone. two weeks of service has melted her heart. she walked through the taj mahal, prayed with people in slums, held babies painted to look like hindu gods, and did any task asked of her to aid the missionaries already there. one of the things she said that has stuck by me most since our conversation was, "i love oklahoma. before, i never thought i could live anywhere else. now, i know i can. God's all i need." how's that for authentic faith?

pricetags & provision.

twelve days into may and i haven't the least entertaining things to write! the approach of finals next week, beginning my summer job, and the birth of my fourth niece, ari jade, in a month or so are leaving me in a big ole state of anticipation - so much that has to get done in the here and now, and even more events are waiting around the corner. very exciting, to say the least. :)
i've been thinking a great deal about stewardship lately, with a discussion on economics in my biblical ethics course, writing a research paper for the class about megachurches, and thinking long and hard about the conscientiousness i want to embody in finances throughout my lifetime. during one such discussion in class, my professor announced several things which captured my attention. first, he quoted barbara brown taylor, an author: "the opposite of being rich isn't being poor. the opposite of being rich is being free." oh dannnng. a few minutes later, this came from his own repertoire: "stewardship carries the pricetag of viewing everything as a gift." i think i pulled my toes back under my desk a bit after that one. :)
what am i doing to show Him that i am grateful for His provision and that i can be entrusted with more of it in the future? if you know me well at all, you know my coupon organizer and check register are two items i keep a close eye on. i'm working hard toward reaching my first $1,000 in savings by the end of the month, and i have always been surrounded by incredible examples of frugality and responsibility in my family. but isn't there more that i can do than just create a comfortable life for myself?
our textbook for biblical ethics, kingdom ethics, explores matthew 6:19 and states that the "treasure up treasures" imagery connotes hoarding of pride, greed, and stinginess. going on to verse 21, it becomes clear that, when we invest our possessions generously in God's reign of justice and mercy, we'll find that our hearts are invested there as well. and that, my friends, is where i want my heart to be found on the very last day.
"see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." // malachi 3:10

the thursday thirty, issue ten.

30 more blog posts that have provoked giggles, tears, and prayer:

• when taylor and i teach conversation labs... // the roomie [if you've ever wondered what kelly and i's classes with the international students look like, here is a small taste. :D]
• looking into the eyes of bondage // pete wilson [pete, anne jackson, and melissa from living proof ministries are among the bloggers on a compassion international trip to india this week. many of their beautiful posts from their time in calcutta will appear on this list.]
• pramanik // anne jackson
• five things i love about being a mom // bethany
• but sunday's coming // amy beth
• in the middle of the night // the noreaster
• things even the bible says are a mystery! // natalie witcher
• how easy is it to make homemade vanilla? // bethany
• near to the brokenhearted // anne jackson
• covered // tam
• dear church with the corny marquee sign: // anne jackson
• eyes to see and ears to hear // alece
• God, You know // many meadows
• gummin' it will never do // natalie witcher
• removing easter's candy shell // radiant magazine
• speak my language // amy beth
• how do you like my house? // the lpm blog
• lakshmi // anne jackson
• my take on swine flu // natalie witcher [such a humorous but timely take!]
• spiritual visine // alece
• what susan boyle teaches us about greatness // jeff goins [ah! i love this woman!]
• why youth ministry? // kyle [one of my best friend's first blog posts!]
• what we expect in missions // radiant magazine [on. the. dot.]
• letters of love // anne jackson
• thinking about death and healing // the lpm blog
• susan boyle taught me an important lesson // pete wilson
• when dreams come true // amy beth
• transformation // anne jackson
• i packed hope // alece
• transformation // anne jackson

immediate freedom.

from today's passage in oswald chambers' my utmost for His highest:
have I been with you so long, yet you have not known Me, philip? // john 14:9
philip expected the future revelation of a tremendous mystery, but not in Jesus, the person he thought he already knew. the mystery of God is not in what is going to be - it is now, though we look for it to be revealed in the future in some overwhelming, momentous event...
let your heart not be troubled - am i then hurting Jesus by allowing my heart to be troubled? if i believe in Jesus and His attributes, am i living up to my belief? am i allowing anything to disturb my heart, or am i allowing questions to come in which are unsound and unbalanced? i have to get to the point of the absolute and unquestionable relationship that takes everything exactly as it comes from Him. God never guides us at some time in the future, but always here and now. realize that the Lord is here now, and the freedom you receive is immediate.

twenty years in twenty lines.

i often want to kick myself for having so many "list" entries, but i just couldn't pass this one up! mandy got the ball rolling with her 30 years in 30 lines a couple of days ago, and i figure it's a good investment of a few minutes' time. :)
in twenty years of life, i have:

• learned that i'm never too old to be tucked in by my mama
• shot many a' bulls-eye with my dad & our .22's
• caught my fair share of fish from farm ponds & lakes
• been crowned prom queen
• said farewell to a few heroes & loves
• set foot on foreign soil twice before graduating high school
• represented oklahoma at a world leaders summit in washington, d.c.
• touched the liberty bell
• played countless rounds of phase ten
• spent many sweet hours cuddling with my nieces
• learned how easy i really have it
• been inside the oval office
• figured out what i will live & die for
• broken hearts
• been published
• nearly lost my accent after living in seattle for one month
• busted my forehead wide open at a grocery store
• had my heart broken
• poured life into youth at lifechurch.tv
• remained a loyal hanson fan :D