loving provision.

from my daily sanctuary:
i must admit, i am more confident that You love me when i see enough money coming in to pay the bills each month, when the basement does not leak every time it rains, when the doctor's report is good. it's not hard to be convinced of Your love when all the vital signs are stable.
i am of my generation. but i am of Your generation too. i sit on a grassy knoll in the remote plains of the decapolis. i have come to hear You teach, yes, but i am also here to see the signs. signs are important for belief. otherwise, how will i know for sure?
You don't disappoint me. it's been three days since my last meal. my stomach is empty. the breadbaskets are empty, and it's a long way to the nearest bakery. now would be a good time to recieve a sign, Lord. i need bread. i shoot a one-minute prayer arrow straight to heaven: "help needed, Lord, send the bread like You did for moses and the people of israel. manna from heaven. good for the body. good for the soul. good for my faith."
You send the love sign, stroll through the crowd producing bread as though You'd been elbow deep in yeast since two this morning. i fill my plate. stuff my pockets. take some extra just in case. there's plenty for all. Your love is lavish.
i feel hugged by heaven. reaffirmed by the sign. renewed in conference that You do love me and remember me when i am sitting far away from the bakery, without any bread. "what a God of love!" i write in my journal. i am comfortably satisfied and strong in faith.

the thursday thirty, issue eleven.

yeah yeah, i know it's a full week after thanksgiving - and it's almost the end of this thursday as it is. nevertheless, this thursday thirty only feels appropriate if it outlines 30 things for which i'm thankful - part of a much longer list in itself. :)
1. having a relationship with the Father & Son.
2. inheriting one-half of each of my parents' qualities.
3. having siblings to admire & count on.
4. bearing the title of 'peanut' to my four fantastic nieces!
5. having been raised in a small town.
6. having teachers throught elementary/high school who genuinely cared for me, and still being overjoyed to see them when i return to my hometown.
7. the opportunities i have had to travel & experience so many cultures at such a young age.
8. the other opportunities i have had to excel in academics, & for those who believed in me along the way
9. getting accepted to my dream college, receiving scholarships to make that dream a reality, and for having professors here who are committed to our success and growth.
10. the mentors who have carried me through some of my darkest days, & who have been there to rejoice with me in my sweetest ones.
11. never having to go without what i need.
12. having access to loads of information at my fingertips - i mean, can you imagine having to write college term papers withOUT internet databases?!
13. sweet tea. :D
14. a passion for frugality & stewardship.
15. a closet full of clothes.
16. a pantry & fridge full of good food.
17. the blessed assurance that His plan for me is perfect, even when i try and nudge Him to move things along a little more quickly. :)
18. the home i have found at lifechurch.tv, & the multiple ministries i have gotten to serve in there.
19. the switch small group of 8th-grade girls that i get to lead!
20. the beauty of my state.
21. how He has worked through my mom's recent diagnosis. we have so much to be thankful for during this season.
22. the lifelong circle of friends God's given to me, both in high school & at obu.
23. the time i spent in mexico & turkey on mission.
24. red dirt music... if i can say that? :)
25. my esl students in the intensive english program.
26. southern cookin'.
27. the feeling i get when i drive in the country.
28. the friendships twittering has fostered!
29. that everyone in my immediate family lives within two hours or so of campus. this has literally been a lifeline for me while in college.
30. every heartbreak & lesson learned, as much as i try to deny it sometimes. i couldn't very well be me without 'em, right?

the crying game.

so tonight i had a weeping spell. you know, the kind that starts in the shower and eventually ends up under the covers in your bed? i sniffled and pouted for a few minutes over the things i wish i had control over, the things i tell myself that are nowhere close to what He says about me, and the things i fear most. i'm a girl, y'all. it's what we do. sometimes the salty tears before bed make us even more thankful for the joy that comes with morning, i think.
and though i rarely do this, i decided to just flop open my bible to whatever passage it may reveal, and pray that i would find calm in however many verses of reading it took. no set plan, no devotion chapter tonight. just whatever. i sometimes scoff at such a strategy, 'cause the psalms are invariably what opens up. i love those songs o' david, don't get me wrong - i just want a little variety when throwing open the Word (can i say that?).
even so, i didn't have to read too far to appreciate the psalms my bible took me to this evening, as i climbed into the bed of my sister's guest room and hoped for somethin' hearty to meet my eyes. at the top of page 676, two verses were as far as i advanced.
"those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy. they weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the harvest." // psalm 126:5-6
i think i can now stash away the kleenex box for another time.

the c-word.

long time, no see. :) my spontaneous absence from this little corner has made me antsy, and with so much going on this semester, i have more to say now than perhaps ever before. but one week ago today, things changed.
i learned my mom has breast cancer.
i swear, it was as if someone had hit me in the chest and taken the breath right out of me.
and then, i came to my senses.
this is no reason to begin doubting His sovereignty. this is no situation over which He is not already in control. and this is certainly no time to forget that He is a God of victory.
the odds are completely in our favor, both literally and figuratively. the cancer is limited to one area, and the fact that my sister is a top-notch mammographer has given us a distinct advantage in understanding which way to go next. :)
this is the beginning of the story: some days, i still get sad. i still want to cry alone in the shower some nights, and i have my moments where i feel alone and helpless. i would love nothing more than to be at all of my mom's appointments and feel as if i'm making myself useful in her fight. i want to go home. i'm angry that her life is being disrupted and that she faces treatment options that are less than enjoyable.
this is the end of the story: next year, our family will run at race for the cure as we do every fall. this time, we'll get to watch our mom walk the survivor's lap.

to keep up with more specific ways you can pray for my sweet mama, go here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=180170654248&ref=mf

with arms high & heart abandoned.

it's been a full week since i've returned from serving as a team leader at super summer, and it's taken that long to fully process everything He fed me while there. wanna know some of the highlights?
during our team leader weekend training, we were asked to wear ankle weights until the students arrived monday in order to better grasp what paul intended in galations, to bear one another's burdens. two and a half pounds on each leg didn't initially strike us as particularly challenging, but a few hours of walking around obu's campus and some blisters later got us to thinkin'. i genuinely wish i had discovered something incredibly spiritual from the process, but the extent was this: carrying those 'burdens' is completely unnatural for us to do. had zane not requested we wear them, we would never have voluntarily picked up a pair of weights and strapped them to ourselves for pure fun. in much the same way, we were never intended to strap unnecessary burdens to ourselves. there are just some things we were never meant to carry. let's travel light alongside Him, shall we? :)
at one point also during the tl weekend, every single one of us 150 or so adults scattered around the auditorium of raley chapel, selected a favorite psalm, and spoke it over the entire body of seats. it was breathtaking. i chose psalm 34, almost immediately and without any actual contemplation. it turned out to be my heart's exact cry that day, though. i love how He works!
my "children" and "husband" for the week were nothing short of spectacular. i'm too too blessed to have been entrusted with thirteen phenomenal high school sophomores who desire nothing less than His absolute glory. i learned so much from their gentle wisdom.
i also think i surrendered to perhaps one of the most difficult dreams He's given me so far. i've always had a heart for the persecuted church, yet i've resisted the vision of working for them and putting my own body into danger in the process. it scares me. it makes me ache. but i must share their story. praise Him for reaffirming that and rearranging my dreams during one of the evening services, in which afshin spoke of two women currently imprisoned in iran for pledging their hearts to Christ. i sobbed while viewing their photograph. i sobbed while He knocked on my heart and said, 'hand yourself over to working for them.' i sobbed while we sang 'the stand' as soon as their story was completed. before the service, i prayed for God to shake me. boy, did He deliver. :)
so i'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned/in awe of the One who gave it all/i'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered/all i am is Yours

sweet baby girl.

what a day it's been! first thing's first - niece number four has arrived! little miss ari jade made an early debut this morning at 9:16, weighing in at 5 pounds 12 ounces and measuring 19 inches. after waiting several long hours for the nicu to clear her respitory monitoring, the entire phillips clan gathered to bathe her, hold her, and ooh and ahh at her every breath. what a glorious, glorious day. :)
i completed my sophomore year of college yesterday and set out for my sister's home just in time to hear her say, "i think i'm in labor!" that's right, aunt peanut was the lucky one to chauffer her big sister to mercy. :D tiny job, yes i know, but it was also the one instant i sped and felt pleased with myself for it. be jealous.
after a grueling and extremely brave labor lasting well over 16 hours, my sweet sister gave us another gorgeous baby girl. i'm so so proud of them both. :)

wake up in a new hometown.

my dear friend lindsey is back from her mission trip to india! a little jet-lagged and joyful, lindz shared with me some of her experiences last night over the phone. two weeks of service has melted her heart. she walked through the taj mahal, prayed with people in slums, held babies painted to look like hindu gods, and did any task asked of her to aid the missionaries already there. one of the things she said that has stuck by me most since our conversation was, "i love oklahoma. before, i never thought i could live anywhere else. now, i know i can. God's all i need." how's that for authentic faith?

pricetags & provision.

twelve days into may and i haven't the least entertaining things to write! the approach of finals next week, beginning my summer job, and the birth of my fourth niece, ari jade, in a month or so are leaving me in a big ole state of anticipation - so much that has to get done in the here and now, and even more events are waiting around the corner. very exciting, to say the least. :)
i've been thinking a great deal about stewardship lately, with a discussion on economics in my biblical ethics course, writing a research paper for the class about megachurches, and thinking long and hard about the conscientiousness i want to embody in finances throughout my lifetime. during one such discussion in class, my professor announced several things which captured my attention. first, he quoted barbara brown taylor, an author: "the opposite of being rich isn't being poor. the opposite of being rich is being free." oh dannnng. a few minutes later, this came from his own repertoire: "stewardship carries the pricetag of viewing everything as a gift." i think i pulled my toes back under my desk a bit after that one. :)
what am i doing to show Him that i am grateful for His provision and that i can be entrusted with more of it in the future? if you know me well at all, you know my coupon organizer and check register are two items i keep a close eye on. i'm working hard toward reaching my first $1,000 in savings by the end of the month, and i have always been surrounded by incredible examples of frugality and responsibility in my family. but isn't there more that i can do than just create a comfortable life for myself?
our textbook for biblical ethics, kingdom ethics, explores matthew 6:19 and states that the "treasure up treasures" imagery connotes hoarding of pride, greed, and stinginess. going on to verse 21, it becomes clear that, when we invest our possessions generously in God's reign of justice and mercy, we'll find that our hearts are invested there as well. and that, my friends, is where i want my heart to be found on the very last day.
"see if I will not throw open the floodgates of Heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it." // malachi 3:10

the thursday thirty, issue ten.

30 more blog posts that have provoked giggles, tears, and prayer:

• when taylor and i teach conversation labs... // the roomie [if you've ever wondered what kelly and i's classes with the international students look like, here is a small taste. :D]
• looking into the eyes of bondage // pete wilson [pete, anne jackson, and melissa from living proof ministries are among the bloggers on a compassion international trip to india this week. many of their beautiful posts from their time in calcutta will appear on this list.]
• pramanik // anne jackson
• five things i love about being a mom // bethany
• but sunday's coming // amy beth
• in the middle of the night // the noreaster
• things even the bible says are a mystery! // natalie witcher
• how easy is it to make homemade vanilla? // bethany
• near to the brokenhearted // anne jackson
• covered // tam
• dear church with the corny marquee sign: // anne jackson
• eyes to see and ears to hear // alece
• God, You know // many meadows
• gummin' it will never do // natalie witcher
• removing easter's candy shell // radiant magazine
• speak my language // amy beth
• how do you like my house? // the lpm blog
• lakshmi // anne jackson
• my take on swine flu // natalie witcher [such a humorous but timely take!]
• spiritual visine // alece
• what susan boyle teaches us about greatness // jeff goins [ah! i love this woman!]
• why youth ministry? // kyle [one of my best friend's first blog posts!]
• what we expect in missions // radiant magazine [on. the. dot.]
• letters of love // anne jackson
• thinking about death and healing // the lpm blog
• susan boyle taught me an important lesson // pete wilson
• when dreams come true // amy beth
• transformation // anne jackson
• i packed hope // alece
• transformation // anne jackson

immediate freedom.

from today's passage in oswald chambers' my utmost for His highest:
have I been with you so long, yet you have not known Me, philip? // john 14:9
philip expected the future revelation of a tremendous mystery, but not in Jesus, the person he thought he already knew. the mystery of God is not in what is going to be - it is now, though we look for it to be revealed in the future in some overwhelming, momentous event...
let your heart not be troubled - am i then hurting Jesus by allowing my heart to be troubled? if i believe in Jesus and His attributes, am i living up to my belief? am i allowing anything to disturb my heart, or am i allowing questions to come in which are unsound and unbalanced? i have to get to the point of the absolute and unquestionable relationship that takes everything exactly as it comes from Him. God never guides us at some time in the future, but always here and now. realize that the Lord is here now, and the freedom you receive is immediate.

twenty years in twenty lines.

i often want to kick myself for having so many "list" entries, but i just couldn't pass this one up! mandy got the ball rolling with her 30 years in 30 lines a couple of days ago, and i figure it's a good investment of a few minutes' time. :)
in twenty years of life, i have:

• learned that i'm never too old to be tucked in by my mama
• shot many a' bulls-eye with my dad & our .22's
• caught my fair share of fish from farm ponds & lakes
• been crowned prom queen
• said farewell to a few heroes & loves
• set foot on foreign soil twice before graduating high school
• represented oklahoma at a world leaders summit in washington, d.c.
• touched the liberty bell
• played countless rounds of phase ten
• spent many sweet hours cuddling with my nieces
• learned how easy i really have it
• been inside the oval office
• figured out what i will live & die for
• broken hearts
• been published
• nearly lost my accent after living in seattle for one month
• busted my forehead wide open at a grocery store
• had my heart broken
• poured life into youth at lifechurch.tv
• remained a loyal hanson fan :D

the thursday thirty, issue nine.

30 quirks/facts about me:

• i hate styrofoam. hate it, hate it, hate it. the noise it makes when it rubs against another piece of styrofoam is horrifyingggg. when mom drags out the nativity figurines at christmas... let's just say i have to leave the house.
• school supplies, how i love thee. pens, notebooks, folders, and mechanical pencils are my vices. heck, i'd go to school the rest of my life if it meant getting to purchase new goodies each semester. look under my bed and you'll find a small, rubbermaid crate full of knick knacks just waiting to be used - but they'll probably end up getting donated before i ever get around to using them all. :]
• my three nieces - and the fourth one that's on the way! - mean absolutely everything to me. kaitlyn, sydni, zoey, and the-soon-to-be ari jade give me such hope for the days and years to come.
• i take pride [gasp! the p-word!] in my knack for frugality. i love to clip coupons, i adore bargain hunting, and generic brands are my dearest friends at the grocery store. that's right, i dream big.
• part of my heart is left in istanbul. hopefully i'll return there one day to retrieve it - or give more of it away. =)
• when i was little, i carried around a 99 cent pocket dictionary with me everrryyyywhere. ask my mama why, 'cause i still haven't a clue!
• speaking of childhood antics, my parents taught me to answer "how old are you?" with my complete date of birth, rather than just holding up a few fingers. so i ran together "februaryseventhnineteeneightynine" very quickly for my replies. dad still swears this is the only reason he remembers my birthdate. :)
• i take notes of every sermon, chapel service, or speaking engagement i go to. my sermon book is filled with hints of wisdom and truth that i never want to forget. as kandi newton taught me, a dull pencil will one day be better than a sharp mind.- i had never set foot in a taco bell until i came to college. who knew?!
• my nieces, and even my siblings at times, call me peanut. the story of how this nickname originated is heavily disputed [i just don't remember it happening!], but it does a bit like this: after making a trip to purchase some world famous honey roasted peanuts from the goober house in carnegie, oklahoma, i [allegedly] began telling a very detailed story about something extremely important. as i regaled my sister, brother-in-law, and mama with my tale, a peanut husk [supposedly] was covering my two front teeth the entire time. combined with my thick accent at the time, i was a sure-fire candidate for the next beverly hillbillies production.
• the first time i ever "fouled out" of a basketball game, i cried. how embarassing.
• my brother was in the movie 'twister.' sure, it's more of just his shadow moving across the screen during the scene that the tornado hits wakita, but it's still probably the closest hollywood claim-to-fame i'll ever have!
• i really can't say this enough, but i am so so proud of my older siblings. my sister, while she lived in seattle, was consistently rated as one of the top ten radiologist mammographers in the nation. my brother guards the governor as an oklahoma highway patrol trooper. and they're also two of the best parents i've ever had the privilege to learn from.
• as if you wouldn't know from any of my earlier posts, i absolutely adore the fact that i grew up in a small town. if i could, i would raise my future kiddos in a country atmosphere.- i probably should give up sweet tea for lent next year. it has an absolute hold over me.
• this might be odd, but my brother and i both eat our cereal in those big plastic drinking cups from eskimo joe's. does anyone else do that?
• one of my favorite pastimes when i go home is to retrieve my old journals and flip through them. i often get a good chuckle out of it. :D
• like most little girls, i aspired to be an olympic gymnast. shannon miller, an oklahoma girl herself, was my idol. i sincerely wanted to wear a leotard of red, white, and blue, and strut my stuff on the balance beam or floor routine. those goals clearly have not come to pass, but every four years i make a point of tuning into every round of gymnastics of the olympic games. and it still makes me want to do cartwheels in the living room. :)
• my hippie name is tigerlily. mmhmm.
• my parents met at college, where my father was on the football team and my mom was a cheerleader. so classic. :)
• among many deeper attributes i desire my future husband to have, i've determined he will also need a healthy appreciation for red dirt music, an ability to mow the yard in diagonal lines, and should jovially accept requests from my nieces to sit down for tea parties. a girl can dream, right?
• i have to great dreams for my career - to teach english to immigrants at community centers and such, and to work for a missionary sending agency and facilitate others' going.
• hearing people crack their knuckles or any other joint makes me absolutely sick inside. i just can't handle it! every once in awhile, i'll get crazy and pop my own ankles - but knuckles and my neck or back are off-limits.
• the first time i met my favorite meteorologist [yes, in oklahoma we pick our faves] at the age of 2 or so, i sneezed all over his suit. what an impression i make. :-/ luckily, i redeemed myself about 13 years later - when i was a foot taller than him. oh, dainty gary england.
• making my bed each morning is such ritual for me. having my bed tidy sets such a tone for the rest of my day!
• i have always wanted to assemble a time capsule. always. any pointers?
• when i was 6 or 7, i shut both of my thumbs in the car door - on separate occasions, of course, but still within a few weeks of one another. for a young girl who prided herself on having awesome nails, watching both thumbnails fall off was somewhat of a traumatic experience.
• before coming to college, i had never set foot inside of a taco bell, nor had i ever eaten captain crunch cereal. obu has done so much for my physique. =)
• reading has always been one of my dearest pastimes. now that i'm in college, reading for pleasure only finds its way into my schedule during breaks. still, i treasure a good book and am so thankful i learned the value of words at such a young age.
• i love peanuts in a bottle of coca-cola. doesn't that sound gross in theory? don't worry, it's pretty awesome if you drink the coke before the saltiness makes it flat. i'm fairly certain this family recipe originates from the days of my parents owning and running two mobile service stations in town, when vending machine goods were the goods. mmhmm, this is what i look for at every gas station on every road trip.
• if i could handle all of the following courses, my proverbial last meal would surely consist of these extremely health-ridden dishes: pinto beans and cornbread with chow chow, fried potatoes, macaroni and tomatoes, and blackberry cobbler. yummo!

a hundredfold.

and anyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or property, for my sake, will receive a hundred times as much in return... // matthew 19:29
one of my most precious friends from back home will be spending two weeks in india next month, may 2nd through the 17th. few words could explain how proud of and thrilled for lindsey i am! i beg you to join me in prayer for the hearts of lindsey, the rest of her team, and the sweet faces of india to be prepared for how He will move among them. pray for divine opportunities to make themselves starkly known, for focus and safety, for flexibility and a cohesive team, and for the love of Christ to be made beautifully clear.
i am so excited. =)

a bitter root.

being the middle-aged woman at heart that i am, i caught this profound tidbit on dr. phil a week or two ago. i've been meaning to write it down or preserve it somehow, 'cause i just don't think that being reminded of how quickly bitter roots can spring up will ever go out of style. he told a teary-eyed woman that we often believe we can keep our anger toward someone simply contained and directed to them only. but it's a pretty lie; that bitterness will eventually affect our relationships with everyone else we do love and cast such a dark shadow on our hearts. my cynicism and bitterness toward him or love or just about anything else will always seep into the very cracks i try to seal. is it worth it? i think not.

the thursday thirty, issue eight.

with a very heavy heart, i learned earlier this week that a girl i paged at the state capital with in high school was killed by a drunk driver. erin was a beautiful, outgoing, and kind individual whose impact continues to be far-reaching. knowing His plan for her life was carried out in the most perfect way still seems so difficult, and thinking of all the things she will now never get to experience is almost inescapable. but i do know one thing she's up to right now that she wouldn't trade for anything, and that's sitting at His feet. today's thursday thirty consists of 30 things i hope He allows me to do before my time is up. erin accomplished so much in her twenty years here, and i desperately want to start doing the same.

• graduate from obu with honors.. and summa cum laude :D
• spread the Gospel in the 10/40 window
• teach english as a second language, both in the u.s. & abroad
• be the best aunt i can be
• climb the eiffel tower... or ride the elevator :)
• live debt free [*ahem* as soon as student loans are through.]
• write a book
• ride in a hot air balloon
• fall in love & seal the deal
• visit an alpaca farm :D
• memorize more scripture
• fill my passport with many journeys
• minister to those hurt by human trafficking
• see a shooting star
• have babies!
• provide a loving & warm home for the ones i love
• live a healthy life
• master another language
• learn to listen more & talk less
• backback [somewhat!] through europe
• go to iceland with kelly =)
• serve at an orphanage
• go on the amazing race, baby
• plant a garden
• build a home near granny & papa's farm
• work for a sending agency that facilitates missionary work
• learn to paint
• keep a handwritten journal for my kids
• take up photography
• give up wasteful complaining

hometown glory.

i spent a small chunk of my adolescence craving to move on to what i thought were bigger and better things, and i firmly believed none of them would be found in my hometown. i thankfully lost this sour perspective fairly quickly, discovering how much i loved being able to say that i hailed from a tiny town with so much to offer. this past weekend i made a spur-of-the-moment visit with two of my dearest friends to my home in southwest oklahoma - mountain view.
i spent my first 18 years on the same street in the same house, staring at the wichita mountains from my front porch and watching the sprinklers shower the lawn my dad took such pride in maintaining. i graduated from high school with a class [nah, family unit is more like it] of 16. these were the kids i made mudpies with, began kindergarten with, fished and camped with, and worked alongside in the summertime. for every seemingly rough thing about living in the boondocks - like being an hour away from any wal-mart! - there are endless things i love about where i come from. wouldn't you like to know a few?
having complete control over all of the intricacies of planning a graduation ceremony is a luxury for most, but our small classes have such fortunate freedom. our class of 2007 decided the football field was the perfect spot, which allowed us to invite and seat as many loved ones as we could convince to come, and made throwing our caps up to a background of fireworks possible. :) and, had i grown up anywhere else, being crowned prom queen my senior year never would have happened. and believe me, i ain't forgettin' it.
the wisdom of neighbors and elders in mountain view was such a priceless gift. a heritage of hard work, faith, and appreciation for all circumstances permeated my upbringing here. what a blessing. help is also always available, whether you've requested it or not! i remember stopping by the post office late one evening after work, and accidentally locking my keys in the running car. of course my cell phone was inside, so i sat on the curb wondering what my next move should be. another car immediately pulled up, and the driver's offer to run by my house and grab a spare key is nothing unusual in my neck of the woods.
and oh, the mountain view free fair, a three day celebration when every former dweller returns to ride the state's oldest running ferris wheel and eat calf fries [yes, it's what you think it is.] from the junior/senior stands. the state fair's got nothing on us, friend.
opening up my mailbox each monday to find the mountain view news gives me a little piece of home in the middle of a whirlwind semester. i'm thankful for the wheat fields, backroads, and wide open skies of where i come from, and pulling back into town each time i visit makes my heart skip a beat. what do you love about your hometown, big or small?

the thursday thirty, issue seven.

my roommate kelly is currently threatening my life if i do not post the following. i am being forced to type kind words about her; she will beat me if i fail to do so.
juuuust kidding. :) these are 30 things i adore about my roommate.

• i love getting notes from kelly. last semester especially, when we were only suitemates, finding cards on my desk - just because - was the sweetest thing!
• she gets, giggles at, and [[hopefully]] appreciates all of my quirks. i never have to apologize for who i am when i'm around her.
• her taste in music is like no other. thanks to kelly and the woman inside of her car that controls her ipod, i have been exposed to the likes of sigur ros, deathcab for cutie, and emmanuel moire - just to name a few. i'm on my way to being cultured!
• she is the beatrice to my dante.
• she is also the only other person i've met who will sing along to 'mmmbop' with me, or will gladly sit on a living room floor and sway to nickle creek. =)
• this girl stayed three hours with me in a germ-ridden, trashy emergency room. now that's friendship.
• i never had to go a day of spring break without getting a call or text message from her. :)
• as the student grader for my french class, she always writes smiley faces in flashy gel pen colors on my worksheets. it makes my lack of fluency in the language easier to bear. :)
• surviving freshman and sophomore year with me makes kelly a saint. she sits through my pity parties, crying sessions before civ tests, and snooring like a trooper.
• kelly brought our pinata-daughter, sandra, into the world last fall. parenting with her is a dream come true.
• my niece kaitlyn adores kelly, so i know she must be a good gal. my sweet niece often tells me, "kelly and me are buddies!" too cute!
• this girl is stylishhh. it's refreshing not to be embarassed while in public with her.
• at one time in my life, i was terrified to let my closest friends know bits and pieces of my past. whether she knows it or not, kelly helped me ease out of that - without ever looking at me with a judgmental glance.
• she stood up for me when a few of the kids we work with at church said some very hurtful things, and i'm fairly certain they learned not to mess with either of us after that. :D
• okay, so introducing me to and actually getting me to join twitter was one of her best moves.
• she doesn't complain about my stinky shoes, even though i know she wants to...
• we've made a plan to visit iceland after graduation, and i wouldn't want to traverse that country with anyone else!
• she lets me keep the the sheets of of her daily 'peanuts' calendar for my tesol portfolio. so generous.
• we often grab a $6.99 pizza from mazzio's on monday evenings, in which we split the cost. even though i get a topping only on my half of the pizza, she never complains about getting charged for part of it as well.
• kelly and i co-teach conversation labs with obu's international students. she is so great about getting the paperwork side of our job done, which makes my end of the work so much smoother.
• hearing words of affirmation is always good for a girl's heart, and kelly often tells me i'm beautiful - even when i'm not!
• her handwriting is gorgeousssss.
• and she's photogenic!
• we're about to play 'guess who,' a board game likely meant for children 6 and up - but we have no shame. who else would spend their thursday night trying to figure out my gender and age?!
• one sunday night when i returned to the dorm from a weekend at home, she had sweet tea and macaroni & cheese from mcalister's waiting on my desk. that almost made up for her extensive criticism about my book and movie collection.

musings on modesty.

my dear friend sebastien has finally provided a voice of reason amidst the hot debate on modesty at obu. below you will find a tongue-in-cheek editorial from a man's outlook - something long awaited and vitally needed in the often catty, female-dominated dispute over what is and isn't modest. i hope you too can get a little giggle and some perspective on the responsibilities both genders have in keeping our thoughts in check.

-

musings on the “modest” girls of OBU:
baptist girls are an odd lot. okay, maybe not all of them, but there are enough here at OBU to at least merit a mention. i’ve heard numerous girls talk about and read a few blogs about girls causing their “brothers” to “stumble.” for those of you who don’t know what i’m talking about, let me fill you in. these girls feel as if wearing clothing that isn’t completely covering all of their body below their neck and above the elbows and knees is causing troublesome distractions to guys. tt makes them fall by the wayside. it leads them away from their journey with God. they talk about guys as if they’re these poor creatures who can’t handle seeing a collarbone or who will fall away from God if they catch a glimpse of cleavage. some even go as far as to proclaim that guys have it far worse than girls, saying that they can’t do much in their manner of dress to make a girl stumble.
please.
i have female friends “stumbling” all over the place thanks to guys.
apparently guys are akin to some poor child who just can’t help himself, as if he may go hire a prostitute or get a girl pregnant after seeing a female student wearing heels or a skirt that’s above the knees. the guys just see that and lose their minds, i suppose.
others make promises to never intentionally make a “brother” “stumble”. i promise you that guys can handle your clothing. none of the girls here at OBU wear anything that scandalous. i also promise you that if a girl wears clothing that is flattering to her body, that can present just as much of a danger, whether she is showing cleavage or not. a girl who dresses for her body is going to get noticed, skin or not.
what i find worse is that some of these girls then target other girls in the school who, painful as it may sound, dress better than them - girls who take care of themselves and take pride in how they look. these “modest” girls write hateful things that are very clearly intended for specific people, thinking that they’re doing it for a greater good. they make snide comments to the faces of girls who wouldn’t dress scandalous if their lives depended on it, because they think their top is too low or showing too much skin. they make themselves feel like they’re the better person because they chose not to put forth any thought into what would look good.they quote scripture, using verses like 1 timothy 2:9-10, saying not to "braid your hair or wear gold or pearls," and 1 thessalonians 4:7, saying that "God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. " i don’t know if that’s an attempt to equate dressing nice with being impure , but i know you’d be hard pressed to find a female anywhere that hasn’t worn gold or pearls. not all Bible verses are still relevant to our times.
having said all of that, here is my proposal for you girls. wear a potato sack. wear big sweatshirts and oversize jeans. give up makeup and don’t even think of shaping your eyebrows. stop getting haircuts to accent your features. buy all of your clothing 3 sizes larger than normal. don’t wear anything that clings to your body or curves in any way, please, for we may stumble. and to those of you promising to never make us stumble: fear not, you probably never have.

something beautiful.

my church and i spent time yesterday serving at a splendid ministry called all things baby, which a woman from our campus started in her garage last year. i cannot brag on this ministry enough! courtney had a desire to combat abortion, and He has overwhelmed her prayers by providing both a warehouse to house clothing, diapers, furniture, toys [you name it!] for new mothers, and also an office where she will hopefully minister to hurting women who have experienced past abortions with bible studies and love. part of our group painted this new office yesterday, but only after many of us wrote prayers on the walls for this new place. i wish i had taken a picture before two coats of beige were slathered on, but i'm sure you can picture the beauty of it all regardless. :)

ballet lessons.

call me crazy, but i think i'm possibly insanely biased toward my three precious nieces. these last three and a half years, i've found myself scrambling to etch all of their little moments and eccentricities into memory so that, as my siblings and parents so affectionately do with me, i can relay them to the older versions of sydni, zoey, and kaitlyn. par example, kaitlyn is terrified of automatic flushers in public restrooms. she will refuse to do her business - or, at the very least, complete it with her fingers in her ears - if the toilet flushes without her consent. she also has an imaginary brother named carson who lives at the circus. :) i'll never forget the time that i asked my mom to pluck my out of control eyebrows, and sydni and zoey began to sob and beg her to stop because they were convinced i was in pain (which we all know is truuue). sydni is also in a phase of adoration for that nasty arm & hammer toothpaste with baking soda. she claims it's "nice and minty". priceless. :)
so, of course, this brings me to yet another opportunity for bragging on one of my girls. last week at kaitlyn's ballet practice, one of the little girls in her group had an accident in the studio. as my sister scrambled to help the girl's mom clean up, kaitlyn did an amazing job of getting the other dancers to shift their focus away from the embrassing moment. she marched right up to the little girl, put an arm around her, and announced, "it's alright, i sometimes have accidents too."
what a kid.