sweet baby girl.

what a day it's been! first thing's first - niece number four has arrived! little miss ari jade made an early debut this morning at 9:16, weighing in at 5 pounds 12 ounces and measuring 19 inches. after waiting several long hours for the nicu to clear her respitory monitoring, the entire phillips clan gathered to bathe her, hold her, and ooh and ahh at her every breath. what a glorious, glorious day. :)
i completed my sophomore year of college yesterday and set out for my sister's home just in time to hear her say, "i think i'm in labor!" that's right, aunt peanut was the lucky one to chauffer her big sister to mercy. :D tiny job, yes i know, but it was also the one instant i sped and felt pleased with myself for it. be jealous.
after a grueling and extremely brave labor lasting well over 16 hours, my sweet sister gave us another gorgeous baby girl. i'm so so proud of them both. :)

wake up in a new hometown.

my dear friend lindsey is back from her mission trip to india! a little jet-lagged and joyful, lindz shared with me some of her experiences last night over the phone. two weeks of service has melted her heart. she walked through the taj mahal, prayed with people in slums, held babies painted to look like hindu gods, and did any task asked of her to aid the missionaries already there. one of the things she said that has stuck by me most since our conversation was, "i love oklahoma. before, i never thought i could live anywhere else. now, i know i can. God's all i need." how's that for authentic faith?

the thursday thirty, issue eight.

with a very heavy heart, i learned earlier this week that a girl i paged at the state capital with in high school was killed by a drunk driver. erin was a beautiful, outgoing, and kind individual whose impact continues to be far-reaching. knowing His plan for her life was carried out in the most perfect way still seems so difficult, and thinking of all the things she will now never get to experience is almost inescapable. but i do know one thing she's up to right now that she wouldn't trade for anything, and that's sitting at His feet. today's thursday thirty consists of 30 things i hope He allows me to do before my time is up. erin accomplished so much in her twenty years here, and i desperately want to start doing the same.

• graduate from obu with honors.. and summa cum laude :D
• spread the Gospel in the 10/40 window
• teach english as a second language, both in the u.s. & abroad
• be the best aunt i can be
• climb the eiffel tower... or ride the elevator :)
• live debt free [*ahem* as soon as student loans are through.]
• write a book
• ride in a hot air balloon
• fall in love & seal the deal
• visit an alpaca farm :D
• memorize more scripture
• fill my passport with many journeys
• minister to those hurt by human trafficking
• see a shooting star
• have babies!
• provide a loving & warm home for the ones i love
• live a healthy life
• master another language
• learn to listen more & talk less
• backback [somewhat!] through europe
• go to iceland with kelly =)
• serve at an orphanage
• go on the amazing race, baby
• plant a garden
• build a home near granny & papa's farm
• work for a sending agency that facilitates missionary work
• learn to paint
• keep a handwritten journal for my kids
• take up photography
• give up wasteful complaining

hometown glory.

i spent a small chunk of my adolescence craving to move on to what i thought were bigger and better things, and i firmly believed none of them would be found in my hometown. i thankfully lost this sour perspective fairly quickly, discovering how much i loved being able to say that i hailed from a tiny town with so much to offer. this past weekend i made a spur-of-the-moment visit with two of my dearest friends to my home in southwest oklahoma - mountain view.
i spent my first 18 years on the same street in the same house, staring at the wichita mountains from my front porch and watching the sprinklers shower the lawn my dad took such pride in maintaining. i graduated from high school with a class [nah, family unit is more like it] of 16. these were the kids i made mudpies with, began kindergarten with, fished and camped with, and worked alongside in the summertime. for every seemingly rough thing about living in the boondocks - like being an hour away from any wal-mart! - there are endless things i love about where i come from. wouldn't you like to know a few?
having complete control over all of the intricacies of planning a graduation ceremony is a luxury for most, but our small classes have such fortunate freedom. our class of 2007 decided the football field was the perfect spot, which allowed us to invite and seat as many loved ones as we could convince to come, and made throwing our caps up to a background of fireworks possible. :) and, had i grown up anywhere else, being crowned prom queen my senior year never would have happened. and believe me, i ain't forgettin' it.
the wisdom of neighbors and elders in mountain view was such a priceless gift. a heritage of hard work, faith, and appreciation for all circumstances permeated my upbringing here. what a blessing. help is also always available, whether you've requested it or not! i remember stopping by the post office late one evening after work, and accidentally locking my keys in the running car. of course my cell phone was inside, so i sat on the curb wondering what my next move should be. another car immediately pulled up, and the driver's offer to run by my house and grab a spare key is nothing unusual in my neck of the woods.
and oh, the mountain view free fair, a three day celebration when every former dweller returns to ride the state's oldest running ferris wheel and eat calf fries [yes, it's what you think it is.] from the junior/senior stands. the state fair's got nothing on us, friend.
opening up my mailbox each monday to find the mountain view news gives me a little piece of home in the middle of a whirlwind semester. i'm thankful for the wheat fields, backroads, and wide open skies of where i come from, and pulling back into town each time i visit makes my heart skip a beat. what do you love about your hometown, big or small?

the thursday thirty, issue six.

this life is a beautiful one, and here are just some of the things/moments/people that have made these past several weeks all that they were. perhaps they all add up to thirty, perhaps a few more or less.. but i hope you are able to identify with a few of these smile-makers nevertheless. :]

• for my birthday earlier this month, my precious mom sent me a beautiful bouquet of flowers - the first time i've ever had them delivered! after a mix-up [or should i say fiasco!] with fed-ex, i got a bonus bouquet from the flower company. here they are! almost three weeks later, they're still lookin' good!

• i wish you could meet my nieces and spend even five minutes in a room with all three of them. as they approach their 4th birthdays this summer, it seems like zoey, sydni, and kaitlyn keep getting sweeter and livlier every time i see 'em. if you haven't already, go read my last blog post about a story from kaitlyn. and pray for my mom and i as we babysit all three of them while my siblings have a night out - at a rick springfield concert, no less. ;) i can't wait until my fourth niece, ari jade, finally arrives in june! a whole gaggle of little girls - what could be better?

my brother and the girls sent me a care package for my birthday, complete with drawings! is it just me, or does zoey's seem to have a picture of that creepy guy on lord of the rings?!

• teaching conversation labs with our international students in the intensive english program is such a blessing [and i'm even more blessed to teach them with my roommate and best friend!]. this semester, we've had a blast with students new and old. the pictures below are of our level 3 class playing phase 10 and the level 4's creations for our lesson on invitations and appointments. we have too much fun most days. :)

[bahaha. kelly's is the 'aztec party,' just so you know. and the green one is complements of sergej, a student from bosnia. he apparently is hosting a dance party. and he's a sexy machine. geez.]

• oh, the oscars. it was a privilege to watch it with my dear friends and compete in a nominee poole with them - even though addi won, i'm not sour. *ahem* :) if you didn't watch it live or haven't had the opportunity to youtube the acceptance speeches yet, go here and here!
• le roi soleil is perhaps the most beautiful theatric creation of the century, and our french club got to watch this musical about louis xiv last week. oh man. you need to buy it. and a special french dvd to watch it on... or just stick with the youtube clips!

• speaking of french club, our mardi gras get-together was this tuesday, of course, and brought with it my first king cake experience - in which a plastic baby is hidden inside a cake [strange, i know!] - and mask construction with kelly and sebastien. yes, we get wild here at obu. =)

• my tesol [teaching english to speakers of other languages] methods class, though it soars over my head most days, is still one of my favorites. and because i'm such an organizing freak, assembling our portfolios [which will be in this giant red file box] and compiling my own binder of goodies for teaching in the binder are actually becoming fun assignments. class... fun... who knew?

• bows are back in. wear 'em proud, girls.

• and i love my roommate. here is just one of many reasons why. :)

kitchen courage.

wanna hear a good story?

thought so.

my family is all about reminding one another to "make good choices," and if you've ever heard me talk to my nieces on the telephone, you know this is something my siblings ask me to reaffirm during everyday conversations. in between time-outs and crying episodes over missing any action with a nap, good choices are still a big chunk of their conduct. my girls are so sweet and brilliant, and i couldn't wait to jot this story down to show you just how valid my bias is. :)

earlier this week, as my sister picked up kaitlyn belle from pre-school, kaitlyn very quickly admitted, "mom, i made a bad choice today. i was mean to emily and wouldn't share while we were playing at the kitchen."

my sister, who has always prided herself on talking to kaitlyn in a very mature manner, thanked her for her honesty and explained how important it was to make things right by apologizing to emily the following day.

"but mom, i'm scared." here is where miss belle apparently had a very grief-stricken expression on her face. sweet girl.

"i know, honey. it's sometimes hard and scary to ask someone to forgive you, but it's the right thing to do. you'll be so proud of yourself when it's done."

though it took my sweet girl another day to work up the courage to approach emily at the play-kitchen area, she couldn't wait to tell her proud mama the results.

"mom! i apologized to emily today! she hugged me and told me, 'it's okay - we're still best friends'!"

oh, to be three years old again and have the world fall into place while playing house. i'm so proud.

what would our lives look like if we weren't afraid to admit transgression and ask for someone's forgiveness?

twenty.

it's true. as of yesterday, i am no longer a teen. :-D and i owe an extravagant and joyous birthday weekend to my dear friends here at obu - and my sweet mama who sent me a gorgeous bouquet of flowers. i cannot wait to snap a photo of it once all of the buds bloom!

well, in case you ever wanted to know what goes on during one's birthday in our circle of friends, here is the inside look.

a lively bunch at abuelita rosa's serenaded me friday evening. i could not contain me glee!

kelly and addison are perhaps two of the most precious people i know. after pigging out with jake and some new guy on the baseball team, we retired to watch an andy warhol bio that left us puzzled.

even the colonel decided to get in on the fun.

mmhmm.

last night capped off the elaborate weekend, as we cheered on our obu bison at the basketball game, then took over the local chili's with kelly, addi, moi, sebastien, anastasia, curtis, kyle, katie, and taylor d. [yes, i am aware you know none of these individuals, but listing them like that makes it look like i have an entourage.]

i am so blessed.

someday.

it is hard to believe how quickly a year can pass, how four seasons can complete their cycle in what seems like a flash. it has been a year since brady passed away, a precious little boy who words cannot do justice. my first love's baby cousin touched a multitude more than i can ever hope to touch, and on february 3rd - his sixth birthday - he was released from the pain and obstacles which had plagued him during his short time here. i attended his memorial service on my birthday last year, which i have often described as the most horrific and most precious day of my life. i dearly wish i could detail it much further than that, but his legacy really speaks the loudest. hundreds of friends, family members, nurses and doctors, even news anchors, were present to celebrate brady. the following night i posted this note, pleading for prayer for this wonderful family i came to love. tonight my plea is the same.
-
oh great God, be small enough to hear us now.
my heart has never ached so uncontrollably for another's anguish, and i'm astonished at how unaware i once was of what it means to mourn with those who mourn.
it isn't right to hear a mother and father wail for their child.
it isn't right for this beautiful, brave woman to acknowledge my birthday on the very day she's burying her youngest son.
yesterday was amazing, precious, and devestating.
i witnessed how one quiet but mighty soul touched thousands of individuals - something few of us will ever accomplish, but a feat brady conquered within six years.
i rejoiced for a boy who i only had the chance to be in the presence of for a handful of occasions, for a man among children who required only one brief encounter to make you fall in love with him.
i smiled at the thought of all the foods he is finally getting to taste, all of the songs and laughter he is finally getting to hear, all of the races he is finally getting to win.
and i continue to weep for the matchless family that had to give him up to Heaven.
they are all i see when i close my eyes at night. this heavy, horrible feeling consumes my chest when i even begin to think about it. i always thought there came a time when one was all cried out.
i now know that is only an awful myth.
i beg, i plead with you to pray for this group of people i love. if i could only ask you one thing for the rest of time, this would be it. pray for peace to be imparted tonight. pray for joy to show its face soon. pray for comfort to surround ripped and torn hearts. but i think this beautiful boy would also beg you to celebrate, celebrate all of the tiny things we so constantly fail to give a second glance. to celebrate the balloons and flowers he cherished in his tender hands, celebrate life and love itself.
the Father labored and toiled for six days to bless and cultivate everything that is around us, and rested when He saw His work was good.
brady labored and toiled for six years to the very day, blessing and cultivating everything that is around us. it was good. and he is finally resting.
someday all that's crazy, all that's unexplained will be beautiful, beautiful. someday all that's hazy through a clouded glass will be clear at last. and sometimes we're just waiting for someday. we're just waiting.
now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. all that i know now is partial and incomplete, but then i will know everything completely... // 1 corinthians 13:12

thanks for the slice.

i love pie. boy, do i love pie. a nice, piping hot slice of any kind of fruit and crust with ice cream on top just can't be beat. but humble pie? eh, not so much. i'm definitely not as apt to order that off any cracker barrel menu.

back in november, amy beth at ministrysofabulous.com shared an entry on this very theme here - and let me tell ya, could i relate to it. now, a little over two months later, i feel compelled and prepared to share my own humility diddy - complete with a photo. your dream has come true! i walked in my first race for the cure last october with my sweet family and the many great gals that work with my sister at oklahoma breast care center. it was a gorgeous day full of courage, wisdom, and laughter. as we gathered to snap our team photo, i thought to myself, "shoot, i'm lookin' good for being here at the ballpark by 5 am. we're gonna have a smokin' team picture." mmhmm. that's right. and everyone did indeed take a fabulous snapshot before we began our mile or 5k trek. but there was a little surprise i didn't at all notice until my sister emailed the picture out to our team several weeks later: my barn door was wiiide open, there on the front row. yep. that's meeee.

thanks for the slice, Lord. :]

tell me about a recent embarassing or otherwise humbling experience. don't worry, no pictures required!

you're the God of this city.

today at church we sang one of my absolute favorite songs, God of this city. it was all i could do to keep from letting the happy tears flow [though they definitely let loose later in the message - invasions has been an incredible series!] as i thought of so many places the lyrics remind me of - my hometown of mountain view, my college abode in shawnee, the edmond/oklahoma city communities i've invested in these last two years, and istanbul. this city captured my heart in just two short weeks back in 2005. my vision is there, my dreams are with the turks, and a little piece of me remained there as our plane took off of the soil. as i copy and paste these lyrics, let me also leave with you one of my favorite photographs from that trip. my former youth minister's wife peeked her camera around the corner of this tiny street in an instanbul neighborhood and snapped a precious piece of time as we prayerwalked. He is the God of this city, and such bigger things than we can envision are already in preparation - for istanbul, for oklahoma city, for your hometown and mine. let's join in and be a part of what He's doing.

You're the God of this city

You're the King of these people

You're the Lord of this nation

You are

You're the Light in this darkness

You're the Hope to the hopeless

You're the Peace to the restless

You are

there is no one like our God

there is no one like our God

for greater things have yet to come

and greater things are still to be done in this city

greater things are still to come

and greater things are still to be done in this city

keeping me alive.

i really want to rip my hair out.

or just rip up my textbooks.
either one.
finals will convene this coming monday, and i am nothing short of terrified and optimistic. nice combo, eh? i do believe western civilization might bring about my before-20th-birthday nervous breakdown, and i still cannot feel anything less than love for the class. it is difficult, it is demanding, and it is passion-evoking at every end. i have learned so much and been challenged more in this course than any other. it is a year-long class which synthesizes history and literature, and is a unique thread of obu, and to pass it by even if i were able would be such a mistake. so, as i cram a semester's worth of the roman empire, paradise lost, and the enlightenment into my brain - along with a little french, art history, and the synoptic Gospels - i will remember to stop and rejoice in the small, lovely things too. would you like to hear of them? i thought so.
after spending a sleepless night listening to the wind howl like a banshee through my semi-broken window, my roommate and i will tonight be the proud occupants of a silent night, thanks to a campus maintenance guy with some mean sealant. our dorm's hot water is up and at 'em again too! rejoice! i have renewed hope now. :]
did i mention my siblings are wildly talented and successful in every way? my sister, who was also ranked as one of the top ten mammographers in the nation for two consecutive years, won a prestigious award at her new company, oklahoma breast care center, last night. after only being their director of patient care for the past year, she has already turned the program around. i'm so proud of her. she did the same thing at her former center in seattle, so anything less than greatness is unknown to her. =) my brother, who is on our governor's security detail, will accompany him to the presidential inaugural ball in january - how amazing is that?! i'm so proud of him as well. here is a photograph of our family, minus dad and my brother-in-law who is behind the camera, at my brother's first marathon last year. ain't we cute? knowing i will always be able to come home to these faces, one way or another, keeps me alive.

on patience, love, and taming tongues.

so, i have a stupid question for you. is there something you have said that you instantly regretted once it left your lips? we all have, i know. so why is it so easy to forget the power of our words? there's a charlie hall song that says the power of Your words are filled with grace and mercy. God's words are nothing but edifying and true. should we not, then, strive to season our powerful words with the same grace and mercy as He does? this is a goal i must put my whole being into if i want to radically change my own life and the lives of others for His sake.

this past saturday, the day after halloween, i got to spend precious time with these faces.

zoey grace

sydni kate

kaitlyn belle

these are my nieces, given to me by the greatest brother and sister the universe has ever known. [a little bias is okay, right?] while they and their spouses attended a good ole pokes football game, my sweet mother and i got to spend the day with the girls. we munched on leftover halloween candy, watched some tom & jerry, jumped on the trampoline, went to cici's for pizza, and made a brief shopping trip to wally world. they're all three years old at the moment, and were so remarkably good for us throughout the day. but, of course, restlessness set in around the sock and hosery aisle of wal-mart. no one wanted to stay in the cart anymore, but they weren't too keen on the idea of walking while holding hands for safety either. their hearing also suddenly became impaired, for listening to grandma and aunt peanut was now impossible. it was three against two. patience - which is such an ugly word to me some days - was about to run out by the time we arrived at the bread aisle, and in the middle of three toddlers running rampant and making noise in excess, i looked at my mother and exhaustively said: i'm never having kids!

i didn't, of course, mean a single word of that sentence, yet i said it anyway. there is nothing my sweet girls could ever say or do to truly deter me from being a mom one day. my response to their restless energy was definitely not filled with grace and mercy. shame on me. that night, my sister-in-law emailed both my mom and i to thank us once again for watching all the girls. her words were so special and so humbling.

thank you, thank you, thank you so much for watching the girls and taking them to cici's and shopping! you are brave
people. we appreciate it tremendously and the girls have a lot of fun with you. it means so much to us to have family willing to babysit. taylor, i hope one day we can repay the favor by watching your children!

later, she sent another email just to me: just wanted to add...thanks for being so good with the girls. not all college aged coeds would be as patient and good natured as you. love you, kathy and warren, sydni and zoey

my heart dropped. what beautiful words for her to speak into us, and what a way to humble my previous attitude of anything-but-patience at the same time. i learned my lesson. my words affect others. my impatience affects others. it's about time that i pondered those two truths more, don't you think?

a word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything—or destroy it!
it only takes a spark, remember, to set off a forest fire. a careless or wrongly placed word out of your mouth can do that. by our speech we can ruin the world, turn harmony to chaos, send the whole world up in smoke and go up in smoke with it... [james 3:4-6, the message]

life in a northern town.

ah hey ma ma ma heyyyy ah
life in a northern town…

couldn’t tell ya why that song’s in my head, but it’s fixed there nonetheless! i’m spending a few days of fall break with my sweet mama in branson, home of gorgeous foliage, winding hills, and a population of rampaging, retired tourists. yes, i said it: america’s elderly have all seemed to follow us here on their charter busses this week, and they’re on a mission to experience this town with full force. so, word to the wise: if a group of older women in matching pantsuits walk toward you in a determined manner, do not - i repeat - do not impede their path to the jim stafford gift shop. phew. i’m exhausted just thinking about it.
we’ve had a wonderful time just relaxing, looking through antique shops, and lolly-gagging downtown. we conned someone into taking this picture of us down by the lake at an area called “the landing” today. ain’t them leaves pretty?




oh, and i couldn’t help but capture this from a hotel marquee on the yellow route. i’m gonna go ahead and interpret these words as being all one needs in life to be happy. =) [although, i'd definitely place biscuits and gravy above wireless internet, thank you.]

fall break for an obu student isn’t without homework, however, and i’ve spent all of tonight poured over books and “scholarly articles” for my upcoming civ paper on iconoclasm in the byzantine empire. don’t be fooled by the luscious vocabulary of my previous sentence - i have no idea what i’m doing. but i have spit out an outline for myself [and dr. sanders], which should make this whole history thing a bit simpler. do you like history? does it bore or excite you to discover things about the past? tonight, i’m just not sure which of those applies to me. hehe.

no cussing in holy city!

funny faces, how i love thee.

yesterday was spent with a few of my great loves in the mountains of my upbringing, and i cannot imagine any better saturday. sometimes i wonder if i will ever be able to stay gone from my hometown longer than a few months. it's pretty difficult to resist a meers burger and the wichita's, even in the middle of istanbul or some other exotic place.

as a kid who began the first pages of countless journals with a short, corny autobiography, i can think of no introduction to explain it all these days. because, truth be told, i'm just now starting to have the desire to search and figure it all out for myself. in high school i devoted many an hour to writing online, but college has depleted a great deal of that composing fervor. so who knows, maybe between cramming for civ tests and keeping up with my frantic schedule, this little blog will reclaim its rightful spot in my life. i love sitting down to read over all my old notebooks and scraps of reflection, and i realize how foolish it would be to skip over such an important segment of life by not taking a few minutes to jot some things down. do you ever wish you could chronicle all those moments to one day relive them?

these kids are my world.